Saturday’s Six: Hugh Jackman, the Incredible Shirtless Man

The point of today’s Saturday’s Six is NOT to rhapsodize Hugh Jackman’s physique (though I can, and at length), but to point out how kinda weird it is that he always ends up shirtless (not that I’m complaining).

A sub-point is to see if Justin’ll let me get away with it.

(For anyone wondering what the presence, or lack thereof, of Mr. Jackman’s shirt has to do with the Christmas season… I’m making this my white elephant gift to Courtney for the MRFH office party. Yeah, that’s the ticket)

Because all cage fighters like to pose

6. The X-Men movies

More specifically X-Men. Wolverine is the first entry on the reverse list for a few reasons:

1. It was the movie that introduced me to Hugh Jackman.

2. The shear amount of shirtlessness in the franchise is overwhelming.

3. It makes no dang sense! Okay you’re hiding that your a mutant. You’re power is healing. So you fight shirtless? I mean we’re shown that he does get visibly injured and then his body heals, so what happens when he gets bruised or blood’s flying and then he heals up? Cover’s blown that’s what!

5. The Prestige

And -Tada!- The shirt has vanished! For my next trick...

The Prestige was the first time that I noticed Hugh loses his shirt at least once (I emphasize “at least”) every movie. Is it contractual?

Anyway, I saw Batman vs. Wolverine in theater, and, I gotta tell ya, took me right out of the movie for a bit. Not in a bad way, but still. Christian Bale ain’t shirtless, mercifully David Bowie and Michael Caine ain’t shirtless. Sure assistants Scarlet Johansson and Piper Perabo have eyecandy outfits, but they’re magicians’ assistants. I mean, I dunno know, just doesn’t fit somehow. A little too meta fanservice mayhaps?

4. Swordfish

Sir, I'm afraid I have to ask you to leave the course. You're making the other golfers uncomfortable.

My problems are not so much with lack of shirt, completely fits the scene. My problems lie with the towel and the character. 1. No man owns that towel. 2. For a down on his luck guy, that towel is both too clean and too well pressed. 3. He’d be wearing boxers in real life (character Stanley Jobson, I can’t claim any personal knowledge of Hugh Jackman). Come on now.

3. Australia

An Australian, playing an Australian, in a movie called Australia. Hosting.

I take it back with The Prestige. This is fanservice. At its finest may I say. The whole point is it’s over the top. We’ve come full circle and the shirtlessness is tongue-in-cheek. Thank you, Baz.

But what is that thing he does with his pants?! Really I want to know, it bugs me. It’s not a hitch, or a scratch. If I remember correctly he doesn’t rest his hand in the waist band. I’ve come to the conclusion that it must be some great subtle creative decision, and far be it for me to stifle Jackman’s artistry.

2. The Fountain

I am one with the shirtlessness

If you’ve never seen The Fountain, I’m about to spoil the ending….

The entire movie goes supernova blowing Hugh’s clothes off his body.

Really.

1. Oklahoma

Wanna rassle?

Okay so it’s a play, but it was filmed on a set so I’m including it (my article, my rules).

Now, unless Gaston’s shirt spontaneously shreds off his body for the line “And every last inch of me’s covered with hair!” in Beauty and the Beast, I’m pretty sure this phenomena doesn’t cross into the musical theater work. But it did here.

No points lost for suspenders. Because shirtless knife fighting should be how every musical ends.

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