The Holiday [retro review]

I have a cow and I sew. How’s that for ‘hard to relate to’?

The Scoop: 2006 PG-13, directed by Nancy Myers and starring Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet, and Jack Black

Tagline: No Tagline

Summary Capsule: Two women switch lives, although at least they don’t switch dating lives cause that would be an entirely flick altogether, and rated a lot higher for incest.

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Die Hard 2 [retro review]

Another basement, another elevator. How can the same thing happen to the same guy twice?

The Scoop: 1990 R, directed by Renny Harlin and starring Bruce Willis, Bonnie Bedelia, and William Sadler

Tagline: Last time, it blew you through the back wall of the theatre. This time, it will blow you sky high!

Summary Capsule: John McClane wipes out an airport full of much less interesting terrorists. Continue reading

The Ref [retro review]

I have never heard of such a Christmas: sex, and drugs, and, and, and, and women being set on fire!

The Scoop: 1994 R, directed by Ted Demme and starring Denis Leary, Kevin Spacey, and Judy Davis

Tagline: He’s taken them hostage. They’re driving him nuts.

Summary Capsule: An abortive burglary forces Leary to kidnap an antagonistic couple and their extended family.

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Great Voice Actors: Christmas Edition

It’s holiday season again, which means a glutton of Christmas-themed movies and TV shows assaulting our eyeballs with every change of the channel.  Most of it’s entertaining and leaves us with a comforting feeling of nostalgia and a heartwarming assurance that all really is right with the world. The rest of it features Melissa Joan Heart.

In the spirit of the season, and because I insist on torturing Kaleb by continually putting off my Transformers voice actors article, this month I’m featuring voice actors with a heavy bend toward the holly jolly. Much like my Halloween VA grab bag, this is a specially-wrapped present full of a few of my favorite voices to hear this time of year. So “pull up an ice block and lend an ear” to:

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Attack of the Giant Mutant Hearts

Mutant HQ is bustling this week, folks. Everyone’s got a project! Mike’s army of robot Santa Clauses is nearing completion. Kaleb and Courtney are fighting about who gets to paint themselves green and steal Christmas trees from Whoville. Kyle is wandering the halls, muttering to himself about how “they’re all going to pay” if he sees one more Rankin Bass special.

In other words, we’re all pretty busy.

And we’re sure you are, too. We know you’re neck deep in the holidays right now.  We know you’re hanging your underthings by the chimney with care. And, yes, we know you’re out of cash.

But this time of year, it’s also important to keep in mind that it’s not all about fighting terrorists in the Nakatomi building and chasing down the presents you accidentally fed after midnight.

There are those who are less fortunate and need our help.  Any help you can give.  Money.  Time.  Anything.

Below we’ve listed just a few of the staff’s favorite charities.  Please consider donating.

Happy Holidays from the Mutant Reviewers From Hell

Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie’s Island Adventure [Retro Review]

“You’re not the brightest bulb in the chandelier, but you’re a good man.”

The Scoop: 2003 NR, directed by Nick Marck and starring Randy Quaid, Miriam Flynn, Dana Barron and Jake Thomas

Tagline: What could go wrong in paradise? Just about anything!

Summary Capsule: Cousin Eddie drags us by the scruff of our neck to the tropics and holiday hum-drum

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Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman [Retro Review]

“Friends don’t let friends drink and surf”

The Scoop: 2000 R, directed by Michael Cooney and starring Christopher Allport, Eileen Seeley and Scott MacDonald

Tagline: He’s icin’ & slicin’!

Summary Capsule: The world’s only killer snowman returns for revenge at a tropical island resort, making complete logical sense.

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