Meet the Mutants

MEET THE CURRENT MUTANTS:

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Justin, the co-creator of MRFH, is a man of mysteries, silly putty and mannequins. By day, he’s a mild-mannered youth pastor who shaves his head and gets paid for staging games like Shaving Cream Whiffleball. By night, he’s asleep. But somewhere in between, the boy-who-is-man manages to watch and review movies like a crazed monkey, hooting and slapping his Italian paw against a typewriter. Justin is partial to the rare funny comedy, the ultra-rare cult gem, and any college movie starring Jeremy Piven and Jon Favreau. Depending on their capricious moods, the staff either calls him “Fearless Leader” or “The Ogre”. Justin is married with two mutated kids.

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Heather first breathed life in the magical land of Kentucky. While she has no interest in horses, bourbon, or bluegrass she does carry a fondness for the outdoors and natural beauty. Originally only able to harass people in her small home town she eventually married a sailor. His transient lifestyle has enabled her to successfully terrorize citizens of Chicago, Japan and San Diego thus far. Heather generally prefers to rent movies, foregoing ticket prices (which are detrimental to her Scroogey tendencies) and avoiding annoying audience members. Non movie-watching hours consist of much DDR-playing, slaving away at menial part-time jobs while working on her degree, and taking care of two balls of evil with legs that most people call “cats”.

CURRENT MUTANTS:

alblog

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Al may have just turned thirty, but that hasn’t stopped him from — wait. Thirty?  No, that’s–  but I was just–  how could–  THIRTY?!  Aw, man.  Aw, jeez. That isn’t– I don’t feel– Wow.

Um, hi. Justin here. Al is off sobbing in the corner, so please just sit tight. We’re going to go and try to cheer him up with some good science fiction, a few bad action movies, a designer board game or two, and a bunch of old pro wrestling videos from the 90s. He should be back to normal in no time.

mikeblog

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Mike was born in the state of North Carolina, but escaped early in life, forsaking a promising future as one of the Children of the Corn. He was raised in the capital of this great nation where he was weaned on movies, punk rock, ska, fantasy movies, hip hop, comic books, scifi movies, Magic: The Gathering, kung fu movies, generous amounts of beer and movies. He moved to Arizona where he became a master of the 37 chambers of the naked mole-rat style of kung fu, and hopes to one day avenge his parents, killed by ninja monkeys. Having spent almost the entirety of his life in front of a television set, Mike has achieved a knowledge of pop culture not lightly given to mortal man. He spends his time writing, drawing comics and generally being unsettling.

kalebblog

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Kaleb, a slender beauty of 27 years, is living proof of the power of loitering. Having been something of a fixture in the forums for many years, he got his big break in 2008, when poor communication in the MRFH HR department, combined with his incessant around-hanging, resulted in his being mistaken for an actual staffer, as opposed to a vagrant living in the parking garage. As a result of the need to look like he knows what he’s doing and should be where he is, his furious-scribbling and paper-shuffling skills have since been honed to a science. In addition to living a lie, Kaleb’s other favorite activities include making huge run-on sentences and using too many hyphenated words. He is also afflicted with a rare genetic disorder which prevents him from ever comprehending the rules of colon/semicolon use.

eunice1

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Eunice originated from the wild coastlands of Italy surrounded in a shroud of mystery. Brought up by a pack of feral cinephiles, she was raised on movies -good, bad, and ugly- since before she could remember and only spoke in film quotes until the age of six. While she swears she’s not on the lam, her sixteen moves would seem evidence to the contrary. After circumstances not fully detailed, she found herself press ganged into service by the High Triad of Mutants. When released from her cage, she leads a secretive and nomadic lifestyle as she engages in questionable behaviour and pursues her dreams of becoming a pirate, international spy, or prima ballerina.

courtneyblog

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At the 9th hour of the 9th day of the 9th month, Courtney was born. Skip ahead some 2 decades, and the quiet-but-stubborn child has grown into a loud-and-still-stubborn young adult. She is presently studying at McDaniel College and serving popcorn to whiney cinema-goers for minimum wage. An avid reader, Courtney’s one true love in life is Harry Potter. Like, seriously, the girl is obsessed–ask her about Wizard Rock. She also enjoys Greek mythology, the works of Chomsky, and the occasional Happy Dance. Courtney hopes to someday become a director/screen writer/comic artist/vampire slayer.

Deneb is a child of Northern California, raised amongst the massive redwoods. He currently resides in Northern California, amongst the massive redwoods. In between trying to get away from the damn redwoods, he is an aspiring writer (of books and comics both), voice actor, and amateur cartoonist. He is a peculiar little troglodyte, but keeps his head up high. One of these days, he’ll make it, and then all you’ll see of him will be a cloud of dust fading into the distance, accompanied by maniacal laughter. Meanwhile, he wouldn’t say no to gifts of gargoyles or large bags of cash.

Louise is a teacher in the post-industrial heartland of England. When she grows up, she hopes to return to studenthood. She lives in a cave of books, goes on week-long walks, and watches a lot of films. Louise likes dramatic eye make-up and multicoloured nail polish, swimming, line-dancing and watching the clothes drying on the line. Her favourite films feature explosions, dancing, quirky romance, handsome men (whaddaya mean, ‘shallow’?), songs, period costume and magical MacGuffins. Reluctant though she is to conform to British stereotypes, Louise lives with only one housemate but seven different types of tea.

joelpic

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Joel is..well, Joel!  There aren’t any quick and easy labels to put him under.  Nestled between mountain ranges in the Pacific Northwest, he has the mountain peaks, the ocean waves, and the big city all within easy driving distance.  But what has he done in his brief, insignificant existence?  He has fought great feuds and even won championships in the squared circle.  He has been the voice of several organizations for their video and television coverage.  He has been (and will continue to be) and amateur film director…very, very amateur, mind you.  He has crafted misadventures with a webcomic.  He has been Bigfoot and will be again.  But above and beyond all that, above his love for science fiction, fantasy, animation, B-movies and cult movies, he is and always shall be a Kaiju fan.  YAY, GOJIRA!!!

  • Read Joel’s reviews and articles!
  • Joel’s top ten movies: Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Mary Poppins, Lord of the Rings (Peter Jackson), Ghidorah the Three Headed Monster, Star Wars:  The Empire Strikes Back, Princess Mononoke, Spaceballs, Jurassic Park, Revenge of the Nerds, (tie) Kung Pow:  Enter the Fist/Under the Rainbow
  • Email Joel: glippernip -at- yahoo -dot- com

yeti

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Yeti, according to Wikipedia, is an apelike creature who carries a large stone as a weapon and makes a whistling swoosh sound. Replace that large stone with a hacky sack and you have our newest Mutant. It is known he was raised by all wolves (females), which lead to his unfaltering love of The Jungle Book and all things “rom com”. After his fiftieth viewing of Cocktail he found his inner Tom Cruise and started bartending. He is currently slinging drinks for  celebrities at a movie theater in Los Angeles. Yes. A movie theater. He was last spotted arguing with Raven-Symone, remarking that Tangled was a better movie than Frozen.

  • Read Yeti’s reviews and articles!
  • Yeti’s Top 10 Movies: Disney’s Hercules, Point Break, Cocktail, Semi-Pro, Walk Hard, Road House, Bloodsport, Lord of the Rings, The Dark Knight, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)
  • Yeti on Twitter: @Yettibeats

MEET THE PAST MUTANTS:

These are the brave unsung heroes of Mutantdom. Each of them gave their efforts, sarcasm, and either their lives or sanity to the service of MRFH. Some spent years here at the site, and became like family (others mooched for a couple weeks, and became like common bathroom sink mold). We appreciate their hard work and dedication that they put into MRFH.

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Kym was one of the two original co-founders of MRFH in 1996. Her passions extended from weird movies to music, Stephen King, and various computer games. In early 1998 Kym parted with MRFH, and Justin gave her a grand send-off by “killing her”. During her stay, Kym reviewed 15 films.

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PoolMan was one of the founding pillars of MRFH, submitting an impressive array of reviews, ideas and articles for nearly a decade — despite the national handicap of Canada’s 2800-baud modem internet service. In 2007, PoolMan decided to go into semi-retirement at MRFH, becoming our first “Mutant Emeritus” with full rights and privileges to submit reviews and articles whenever he likes.

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Toni (also spelled “toni”) is something of an enigma to us. This Canadian’s reviews wowed us all — and are carefully preserved in the MRFH vaults for all of history — but she suddenly disappeared and was never heard from again. Alas, she would not be the last to do this. Toni reviewed 10 movies.

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Andie, a theater actress and all-around sex kitten, was with MRFH from 1998 through 2002.  Andie reviewed 102 flicks.

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DnaError was MRFH’s resident mad scientist and artist.  DnaError reviewed 71 films.

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Bobby, a California platinum blonde, was only with us for a short period in 2003. Vanished, never heard from again (we’re very scary!). Bobby reviewed 5 movies.

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Alex, an American living in Denmark, graced us with her presence from 2003-2004. And yes, she vanished. And was never heard from again. Sigh. Alex reviewed 8 flicks.

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Clare, our fiery-tempered yet sweetly natured Texan was with us for over five years, from 2000-2005. A major voice on the site, particularly through her many articles, Clare brought to the table Sarcastic Woman in full force. During her tenure, Clare reviewed 83 films.

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Rich, a limey Brit with a distinct love for all things geek, completed his tour of duty that started in 2003 and went to 2005. Rich’s dry sense of humor and irrepressible nose for digging out great cult films was a boon to the site. Rich covered 54 movies.

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Nancy, our snarky Northeastern teen, shone the bright light of Batman fandom on MRFH from 2005-2007. As she entered college, so went with her our hopes, dreams and $20 she stole from the office kitty.

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Shalen had a love of spiders, bad martial arts flicks and footnotes, and from 2005-08, she rocked our cult world.

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Kyle was a one-time teenage drama king and one of the longest-running writers for the site. His Californian craziness kept our movies spicy from 1998-2010.

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Lissa holds a black belt in tae kwon do, understands diesel engines, and has her head way too deep in the fantasy world.  She may have been squeamish around horror flicks, but she was all over everything else.

Like all good Garden Staters, Drew loves The Sopranos and (most) Kevin Smith movies, hates out-of-state drivers (himself now included) and the cast of Jersey Shore, and can romp you in skeeball without even trying.

Sue is divorced with two pre-teen offspring, a duo of ex-racing greyhounds and a mortgage.  She’s also a bona fide real writer with real published books and everything.

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1 Comment

  1. Pingback: Two big site changes! | Mutant Reviewers

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