“I’m as nervous as a hog on a grill!”
Justin’s rating: There are rednecks on every planet. This guy chose ours.
Justin’s review: While there are plenty of cult movies that come from major studio efforts, ones that are made by ordinary people with more passion than talent, money, and sense are particularly endearing. And so it is with the library of Don Dohler, a guy who grew up making crude movies as a kid and didn’t stop as an adult — even though he would never approach anything regarding “competent.”
So armed with literally hundreds of dollars and the assistance of any of his family and friends he could rope in to acting, Dohler made his mark upon cinema with titles such as The Alien Factor, Nightbeast, and the three-time Academy Award-winning Vampire Sisters. Today, however, we’re going to bend every iota of attention and love onto 1985’s Galaxy Invader.
If you’re an alien piloting a ship that’s going to crash on your planet, everything depends on where you land. If you make it to, say, the suburbs of California, then you’ll be befriended by a boy who’ll feed you candy and help you hitch a ride back home. But if your destination is Hillbillyville, USA, then you’re going to be chased down by armed stereotypes who want to harvest your pelt for beer money.
And so it is in Galaxy Invader. Our hero for the hour, Reptile Dude, comes down hard in the back woods near a settlement of actors who once saw a redneck in a commercial and figured they could pull it off themselves. Reptile Dude staggers away from the crash with a ray gun and a glowy ball that powers said gun, and finds himself in an almost instant war with the locals. The only guy in town not trying to kill or kidnap the alien is a professor, but he gets shot and killed and forgotten about in due course.
The focus of the movie isn’t on the alien and its incredible $8 Halloween Warehouse outfit. Rather, it’s all about a yokel named Joe, whose main attributes are (a) wearing a shirt with a big hole ripped in the front of it, (b) being constantly drunk, and (c) trying to murder everyone around him. I’m dead serious: Joe is constantly two seconds away from “let me find my shotgun and plug a hole in ya,” which goes to no seconds when his daughter gives him lip or some floozie won’t smooch him or anyone in the world gets between him and his precious, precious alien. He’s so over-the-top that his awfulness becomes endearing.
This is a movie full of long pauses, pointless scenes, and horrible camerawork, and the reward for enduring it is often not worth your patience. However, Galaxy Invader is definitely one of the most mock-worthy films I’ve seen, perfect fodder for snarky friends wanting to rip a film to shreds without worrying about hurting anyone’s feelings. Whether it be the pointlessness of most characters’ actions — including the alien — or the way everyone’s so happy to kill and so slow to ever call the cops, it’s pure ridiculousness masquerading as an indie feature.
- No expense was spared in the animation of this alien ship crash
- Which kitchen knife DO you pick for dealing with galaxy invaders?
- It’s always nice to be introduced to a family having breakfast and fighting with each other
- After breakfast? Dad hunts daughter down with a rifle
- Things are FOR something. He just knows it.
- Always attractive to see hillbillies drool
- Giant ripped holes in the chest of your shirt is key backwoods fashion
- The allure of a night hunt!
- Yeah, just leave your dead friends in the woods, they’ll be fine
- Find alien tech? Sell it to the Russians!
- It takes an awful lot to get these people to call the sheriff