“Holy hymens Batman! They’re killing virgins!”
Andie’s rating: Finally! A movie where sex-crazed teenagers DON’T get killed!
Andie’s review: Cherry Falls stars Brittney Murphy (Clueless) as Jody Markin, Michael Biehn (The Terminator) as her sheriff father, Jay Mohr (Suicide Kings) as her teacher and a bunch of other people I didn’t really recognize (except the cute love interest from Bring It On, but he bites the big one in the very first scene so we don’t get much of his pretty face. And no, I did not just ruin anything because I told when he dies. When is the last time you watched a horror movie and the opening scene teenagers didn’t bite it?)
It is the story of a psycho killer who starts slaughtering innocent teenagers. And by innocent, I really meant innocent. This killer starts slicing and dicing teenaged virgins. (Hee hee, I said virgins.)
Okay, so I have been eagerly anticipating this flick because I think the idea of a slasher going around hacking up virgins is hysterically funny. I’d heard lots of things that enticed me to want to see this, but I have to say I was kind of disappointed. I’m not saying this is a horrible movie, it had some really great parts, but it tried to hard to be two different genres and did not succeed.
Basically, Cherry Falls should’ve been one of two things. It should’ve either gone all the way with trying to be a scary slasher movie. There were some pretty tense moments in this flick and I was WAY off on who the killer was, so that was cool. But there was too much humor and mocking to truly be a good slasher movie. The other way it could’ve gone would be to make the whole “killing virgins” thing really humorous, but it had too many really serious issues it dealt with to be that funny. So I was mad that this movie didn’t choose to be one of those two genres, because trying to do both just wasn’t working out.
However, under both those genres Cherry Falls did have some awesome moments. There is a particularly scary scene where Jody and her teacher are talking, then Jody sees somebody out of the corner of her eye, so they go investigate and you know the killer’s there but they don’t know and there’s lots of scary music and it’s pretty great. There’s also a good scary scene in the library, and another one in this abandoned house that the sheriff explores. But my absolute favorite scene is when Jody is in the locker room looking for her friend. I personally think locker rooms are a very scary place at night because it’s WAY too quiet and there are WAY too many places to hide and this scene had me actually covering my eyes because I’m a big weenie.
Under the humor genre, this movie also had some great elements. Once it gets around (“gets around,” hee hee) that this killer is knocking off virgins, all the kids decide they need to have sex (sounds logical to me). So they decide to have a “Pop Your Cherry” ball to save themselves, which I’m sure is the reason everybody comes (“comes,” hee hee). There is also a lot of great quotes about sex and virginity and stuff, some of which are included below, some of which are too R-rated to include on this website.
So if you want to hear the other funny quotes too risqué to print here or if you want to be somewhat scared or if you’re just bored, go rent Cherry Falls. It’s sextastic!
- The credits roll down instead of up (down? coincidence?) and at the very end of the credits it says “NO VIRGINS WERE HARMED DURING THE MAKING OF THIS MOTION PICTURE.
- The scene of the town meeting was filmed at Thomas Jefferson High School in Richmond, Virginia