Road House 2

road-house2“You know why they call me The Robot? Because I’m so automatic at kickin’ your ass.”

The Scoop: 2006 R directed by Scott Ziehl and starring Johnathon Schaech, Jake Busey, and Will Patton

Tagline: Take It Outside…

Summary Capsule: Hey, it’s the “son” of Dalton! Who’s come back to rescue the bar from a semi-evil goon! Much butt-kickings and bullet-flyings ensue.

Justin’s Rating: Still, there’s no naked Swayze buttocks, so that’s an improvement!

Justin’s Review: Two things happened tonight that I did not expect. The first was that I went ahead and watched Road House 2 without ever having witnessed the awe-striking glory that was Patrick Swayze in the original. My wife told me, with a hint of drool pooling at the corners of her mouth, that Road House was very, erm, tasty. The second thing I didn’t expect was to come out of this flick with anything other than boredom on my mind and mocking words on my lips.

Cheesy and thick-headed as it may be, Road House 2 actually holds a lot of fun for the guilty pleasure enthusiast. Seeing Jake Busey have the snot kicked and punched out of him was just the tip of that testosterburg. The free paper toothpick umbrella that came with my drink, so to speak.

A secondhand movie does itself right by hiring at least one good actor, and a number of enthusiastic bad ones. Will Patton, creaky around the edges, is the catch for RH2, as the current owner of The Black Pelican, a bar in the heart of Louisiana. For an old fella, he certainly knows how to slamdance like the pros, but that’s not enough to fend off the advances of the local drug lord (Busey) and he lands himself in jail.

This prompts his nephew Shane, a proto-typical smoldering soap opera reject, to take a leave of absence from the DEA and help out at the bar for a while. He makes pretty eyes at the local buxom blonde, demonstrates his devotion to Steven Segal and Jean-Claude Van Damme, and refuses to buckle under the pressure of meanie bullies.

I won’t lie to you, Road House 2 is a murky swamp of bad acting and highly predictable plot points. That’s okay, though. It’s not why we watch. We watch because it’s hilarious that some Hollywood bargain basement mogul thought that Jake Busey could come across as anything more intimidating than a 7-11 clerk. We watch because Will Patton is so tough that he can fend off five criminals from a hospital bed. And we watch because the fight scenes are lovely little dollops of carnage.

The fisticuffs and pugilism, I mean, not the gun battles. There’s a lot of shoot ’em ups in here, but the real prize comes when the characters drop their silly pop guns in favor for brutal slugging. I’m amazed that RH2 didn’t cop out in the fights with a myriad of quick cuts to cover for the weaknesses of the actor’s stunt doubles; the camera stays still long enough to capture the rapid, precision melee, convincing me that everyone involved practiced far more on their taekwondo than memorizing their dialogue.

In addition, there’s an odd undercurrent of humor that flows through various parts of this movie that suggests to me that the director actually has a bit of talent instead of merely being a hack, by-the-numbers sequel operator. Even Jake Busey gets a moment or two to be stupidly psycho, like when he half-heartedly drowns an employee for no good reason whatsoever.

I guess that’s it. This sits well with the ol’ Justinster, and that ain’t half bad. We’re closed; you don’t have to go home, everyone, but you can’t stay here.

And now, back to Everybody Loves Jake!

And now, back to Everybody Loves Jake!

Intermission!

  • Was supposed to be filmed in New Orleans, Louisiana; however, they switched locations after Hurricane Katrina devastated the city.
  • The part of Nate Tanner (Patton) was originally supposed to be Jack Dolton, Patrick Swayze’s character from the first Road House, but Swayze backed out due to creative differences, and the character was changed.
  • The “twins”
  • DEA officers are hot!
  • Will Patton: badass
  • Jake Busey is just not that threatening
  • Always fun to work for randomly violent bosses
  • Hot tub scene…
  • Crotch kick = foreplay
  • Undercover DEA dudes love to reveal their identities
  • Random act of violence vs. a nurse and coma patient
  • Catfight!

Groovy Quotes

Bad Guy: You retarded?
Robot: Learning impaired!

Robot: You know why they call me The Robot? Because I’m so automatic at kickin’ your ass.

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