Saturday’s Six: Important Historical Events That The Mainstream Media Won’t Touch



Super-intelligent apes rebel against humanity and take over the planet. They were particularly nonplussed at all the actors walking around in bad monkey masks.



The President crash lands in Manhattan and must be rescued from the Duke of New York.  Reports of Ernest Borgnine and Harry Dean Stanton are unsubstantiated.



Frankenstein attempts to win an unheard-of THIRD Transcontinental Road Race.  Machine Gun Joe was quoted as saying he just wanted to “go the distance.”



The Time Enforcement Commission keeps the timeline safe and make sure nothing is ever altered. Or so they say, because, well, we wouldn’t ever be able to tell anyway.



A nation mourns as Optimus Prime falls in battle. The Autobot Matrix of Leadership passes to Ultra Magnus.  Of course, President Magnus is widely remembered as “lame duck” Autobot and lost the next election to upstart newcomer Hot Rod, who railed against the war with the Decepticons and promised “transformations you can believe in”.



Dragons reawaken in England and reclaim the planet.  The super-intelligent apes were unavailable for comment.

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