Resident Evil: Extinction [retro review]

“What’s wrong with their eyes?”

The Scoop: 2007 R, directed by Russell Mulcahy and starring Milla Jovovich, Ali Larter and Matthew Marsden

Tagline: Experimentation… Evolution… Extinction

Summary Capsule: Alice continues her Zombiriffic World Tour — next stop: Las Vegas!

Justin’s Rating: Send more medics…

Justin’s Review: Welcome back to WEXT, all extinction, all the time! On our top 40 countdown, we’ll be playing such classic hits as “You’re infected but you’re hiding it so you can turn into a zombie when it’s least convenient for me”, and that old ditty, “If its back is to you, it’s up to no good!” If you’re lucky, the group Zombies With Coveralls might make an appearance as well!

It’s the top of the hour and the weather is a balmy 112 degrees Fahrenheit. The weatherman predicts even more barren wasteland to spread across this cursed Earth, so be sure to bring your 75 SPF sunblock and an automatic weapon of your choice to fend off the vicious flesh-eaters!

This just in from our news line… apparently the spread of the T-virus is not just contained to mankind any longer, but has made the leap to carrion birds as well! Beware the crows, as my momma used to tell me, and don’t be afraid to dress up your best friend as a scarecrow to keep safe.

DJ Alice is on deck, and she’s bringing with her mondo baggage of the unresolved sort. You might remember Alice from “back in the day”, when she’d routinely kick inside-out dogs for fun and drive motorcycles through church stained-glass windows to make a point about humanity’s resilience. Well now this old girl’s got a brand new bag: she claims that she now has psychic powers! Heh heh… I think my leg’s being pulled, gentle listeners, but these days, I wouldn’t be much surprised by anything.

A listener recently called in to say, “Hi Bob! Love the show! I’m calling from Las Vegas – it’s nothing great since the sand dunes moved back in, but I certainly am enjoying the loosest slots in the city, if you know what I mean! Anyway, my question is about the zombie effect on the stock market and how we might be able to adjust our risk assess- hey! Who’s there? THEY’RE COMING IN THE WINDOWS ARGGGHHHHhhhhhh…”

Thanks for calling in, Bob. To answer your question, our financial experts say you’ll want to reinvest your portfolio into survival bunkers and cans of beans.

That’s about it for this segment. Stay tuned to hear from our sponsors, the Umbrella Corporation, and their new wonder product, “Clonez”. That’s right, clone yourself in under 24 hours with no side effects! Side effects may include lack of morality and slight sexual disfunction.

The Afterworld Ballet

Intermission!

  • That’s a nasty pit
  • Lots of electricity in them there apocalypses
  • Umbrella really loves its massive underground laboratories
  • Zombies like hiding in closets, just on the off chance you’ll root through them
  • Wouldn’t be a horror movie without a creepy little ghost girl!
  • The Birds homage was kinda nifty
  • If you must know, Alice’s new costume was designed by Milla Jovovich’s clothing line, Jovovich-Hawk.
  • This is the first live-action movie trilogy based on a video game.

Groovy Quotes

Alice: We fought the infection. We survived the apocalypse. And now, we face extinction.

Alice: You won’t have to wait that long, boys. Because I’m coming for you. And I’m gonna be bringing a few of my friends.

K-Mart: What’s wrong with their eyes?
Claire: They’ve been feeding on infected flesh.

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5 Comments

    • Personally, I’m a little excited for it. Looks like they’re going full on over the top, which is when the RE movies are at their shiny action fluffy best. I also like how it looks like they’re going to tie in all the movies, either it’ll be great or a big mess, but right now I’m hopeful.

      Not too sure about the “let’s emphasize it’s in 3-D” axe throw at the end, makes me think of the My Bloody Valentine remake too much, and who wants to associate a movie with that?

  1. Pingback: Eunice does Resident Evil: Afterlife « Mutant Reviewers From Hell

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