Beautiful Girls [retro viewing]

00.00.26

    the two words in the title zoom together, hinting at how the two people in a healthy relationship are moving towards each other constantly, emotionally and physically. Or maybe not.

00.00.34

    It’s Timothy Hutton as Willie!

00.00.44

    Here’s your clue to Willie’s commitment phobia: he’s all pissed when someone touches him.

00.00.49

    Though I’m a rabid anti-smoker, this is one of those scenes that make smoking just plain look cool!

00.01.07

    Natalie Portman is in this? All right!

00.01.17

    Here’s your clue to how Willie is cool and badass yet troubled and depressed: he’s dressed in all black and gray.

00.01.30

    This song is actually pretty cool. Who is this, Tom Petty?

00.01.47

    The first glimpse of snow and ice. Get used to it!

00.02.04

    A one-way ticket? Someone isn’t sure when or if he’s coming back!

00.02.31

    Ah, this is the best way to view New York City: fading from sight as you leave.

00.02.56

    Damn. This town is snowy.

00.03.07

    Looks, gals! It’s Matt Dillon!

00.03.29

    Boy am I glad I’m out of snowy Colorado, and into sun-soaked California. Whew!

00.03.46

    Cigars are cool!

00.04.19

    Mmm, hot coffee in mugs . . what? Those mugs will have to be returned . . .

00.04.41

    It’s pretty obvious these two are up to no good.

00.04.45

    Uh oh. It’s officially an affair now.

00.05.09

    First use of “crease” as a substitute for “upset.”

00.05.25

    Looks like there’s tension between the shovelers.

00.06.05

    Never use your fingers to tear food. Always use utensils to cut it on your plate.

00.06.23

    That really is a bad bet!

00.06.48

    At least you can eat meat. Good point.

00.07.13

    He probably is going to Jan’s.

00.07.21

    You know you have a true and reliable friend if he’ll check your ‘tache for food particles.

00.07.56

    Haw haw! She can’t get out of her garage now!

00.08.22

    A need when seeing old friend after a long absence: greetings must be LOUD.

00.08.41

    I will never have kids. Kids are animals!

00.09.23

    I will never go to my high school reunion. My former classmates are animals!

00.09.33

    First sighting of the elusive girl-next-door.

00.10.00

    Notice how badass Tim looks in all black. I have to start wearing all black.

00.10.16

    Tim notices the cool girl-next-door making a snowman. How many of us are also guilty of this? All of us!

00.10.43

    When dads get old, the law states that they must wear clothes like this.

00.11.04

    Golf: the great equalizer and a bonding point between fathers and sons.

00.11.41

    The old room: exactly as he left it. That how my room will always be, boarders or not.

00.12.01

    David Arquette in his undies. Noooo!

00.12.17

    Here’s the painful scene where they establish what poor inter-communication skills their family has because the mother is gone. Don’t be a fool, you need your mother!

00.12.39

    He didn’t even notice who moved out or who moved in. That’s why I don’t drink, kids.

00.12.58

    Everyone must poop sooner or later.

00.13.13

    Willie’s hand is still in his jacket pocket. That’s pretty weird.

00.13.22

    The sliding pointing hello. Cool!

00.13.34

    “Jan’s bangin’ some meatcutter.” That’s the news you want to hear immediately, versus “I am fine” or “My parents are good.”

00.13.59

    Kathie Lee Gifford is the Devil.

00.14.11

    No sperm! That’s funny!

00.14.26

    A man who stinks of brisket is not a man you could love, unless you were a dedicated carnivore.

00.14.46

    It’s President Nixon!

00.14.58

    The way Willie reacts with “Jesus!” to seeing all the model pictures plastered on the walls is AWESOME.

00.15.11

    The first of many “They’re all sisters!” rants from Paul (Michael Rapport).

00.15.42

    “We need models.” Don’t we all.

00.15.55

    Beer exploding is cool.

00.16.12

    The first Willie/Marty interaction. Study it, replay it, love it.

00.16.46

    “You a cop?” Priceless.

00.17.03

    Here’s where you can tell he first loves her.

00.17.16

    As in Marty, short for Martin. That’s a tough break, kid.

00.17.25

    “Bane” is a cool word.

00.17.33

    Yes, he really loves her!

00.17.53

    I need to grow some sideburns, dang it!

00.18.14

    You need to have a neutral second party assess whether you’re cool or not. This is essential, and should be as regular as doctor appointments.

00.18.28

    He’s like, I love this young girl (so are we at home!).

00.18.38

    That’s great. If your old girlfriend is dating some quack, you must go to any extreme to find him.

00.19.34

    “It’s brown . . .” Never give brown diamond rings to a girl you’re proposing to. Don’t give brown diamonds to anyone, for that matter.

00.20.13

    Yep. In small towns everyone knows everyone.

00.20.34

    “Take the f**king ring!” Isn’t it romantic?

00.21.18

    Willie’s hair is crazy.

00.22.14

    I don’t think he’s ever coming to visit Willie in NYC. Ever.

00.22.28

    The first indication about the level of drinking that will be going on.

00.23.08

    Aps? I guess that’s the lingo.

00.23.39

    It is brown.

00.24.12

    “Retard sandwiches.” Shouldn’t be funny, but it is.

00.24.52

    They must be friends to talk like this.

00.25.04

    2nd Willie/Marty encounter. They belong together.

00.25.32

    “Dude in flux.” Aren’t we all?

00.25.57

    She is hot. Wow!

00.26.07

    Don’t want to get compared to Hamlet. That’s not good.

00.26.44

    Take that, snowman!

00.27.02

    Whoa, it’s Mira Sorvino in a bra!

00.27.17

    This is the “marriage in shambles” sub-plot that is also sub-par.

00.27.31

    Whoa, it’s Mira Sorvino in her underwear!

00.28.19

    That’s funny. “Cobwebs in womb.” Funny, because I’m a guy and will never have to worry!

00.29.18

    Good point, why do the men always get blamed for not committing?

00.29.51

    Uh-oh, party talk. Disaster waiting to happen.

00.30.06

    Want to upset your girlfriend? When it snows, plow her garage in!

00.30.44

    More cool musician hair for Willie.

00.32.05

    This is why I’m never having kids.

00.32.16

    More drinking. That’s good stuff.

00.32.49

    Getting drunk all the time isn’t good, but it sure looks like fun here.

00.32.53

    It’s Uma!

00.33.28

    Hot girls are generally born with boyfriends. That sucks.

00.33.59

    Willie is the coolest.

00.34.09

    Ah, pleased to meet you Andera.

00.34.22

    That is one sad come-on.

00.34.37

    Way to get out of admitting what you really do for a living, guys.

00.34.53

    Damn, Willie is the man! I need to learn an instrument.

00.35.21

    Whiskey shots are what chicks dig.

00.35.27

    Kevin doesn’t even know Stan’s name. That’s what drinking does, kids.

00.35.43

    Willie is the Man. Study him, admire him. Learn an instrument.

00.35.53

    One of this movie’s messages: drinking is cool.

00.36.05

    It’s decided: the guitar or the drums may be cooler to the young girls, but to the older and wiser women it’s the piano that gets their attention.

00.36.25

    Neil Diamond. Sweet Caroline.

00.36.50

    See? Drinking rules! (according to them)

00.37.41

    Oh no! Not Lauren Holly!

00.37.59

    Here’s the fantastic Rosie rant. Remember it to tell your daughters and girls you meet on the street.

00.38.16

    Watch Willie and friend in the background as Rosie rants. Classic.

00.39.26

    Again, Willie is even more entertaining in the background than the main action.

00.40.43

    They’re judging Rosie’s body. Gross.

00.40.56

    I’m jealous of this kid too!

00.41.22

    Marty is probably afraid of Willie at this point. Stalker!

00.42.11

    Damn these slacker kids!

00.42.36

    Male contraception is the responsible thing to do, men.

00.43.05

    He just wants to talk with her. That’s cool.

00.43.33

    See. You must judge girls using a proper and fair rating system.

00.44.35

    Porn with circus midgets somehow involved is the best.

00.45.03

    Judging Tracy, he realizes how great she is! 7 and a half’s all around!

00.46.16

    Birthday parties suck. Especially surprise ones.

00.46.47

    Argh! Jethro Tull!

00.47.00

    More drinking with lobsters thrown in for taste. Drinking rules.

00.47.37

    A cake with a truck. Okay.

00.48.21

    Oops. When you’re throwing a surprise birthday party for your spouse, try not to ruin things by invited their secret lover to the festivities.

00.49.46

    No. It is pretty funny.

00.52.13

    The best part of all parties is when it’s down to two guys talkin’ and drinkin’.

00.52.17

    She’s 13!

00.52.22

    I would wait, myself. Just do it, Willie!

00.52.50

    I have the same problem.

00.52.58

    Nabakov = author of Lolita and a good name to drop in all conversations to show off your academia. Good work, Willie.

00.53.42

    Yep. I don’t want to grow up either.

00.53.57

    I just want something beautiful. Not just a plot point, but something to strive for in your own life.

00.54.35

    Darn. When you go to plead your case to your estranged wife, try to avoid having to go through your mother-in-law. That’s tough going.

00.56.51

    Hanging in the ice shack = more drinking!

00.57.10

    When you’re scrounging for dates, leave all plans vague and don’t get specific. Works every time.

00.57.41

    Paul’s assessment of Mo is wrong. Content is a big part of life as well, you know.

00.57.52

    Willie spots Marty and wants to marry her. Who doesn’t?

00.58.24

    Good move. When a girl makes fun of your friends, distance yourself by claiming they are just acquaintances.

00.59.02

    You can tell Willie is pretty happy right now.

00.59.10

    Mo just soiled himself when he saw that happen.

00.59.37

    Always check your backyards for chicks, fellas.

00.59.52

    Age problems suck.

01.00.00

    When you can quote verbatim from Hamlet, you are cool.

01.00.32

    I would wait as long as it took, Willie. What are you thinking?

01.00.52

    No one wants to be Pooh to someone else’s Christopher Robin.

01.01.16

    This part is sweet. You must be heartless if you aren’t touched.

01.02.08

    Here’s the start of Paul’s “date” with Andera. You can just tell this will end in disaster.

01.04.39

      Ah, the tried and true method of upsetting your former girlfriend:

dirty dancing

    with a new girl right in front of her.

01.05.52

    Here is where Paul blows it. Poor fool.

01.08.26

    “Good night, sweet girl.” Remember that, men!

01.09.23

    Celtics rule in terms of color and name.

01.09.34

    He must take these down.

01.09.47

    This is the greatest scene in the entire movie for me, because it happens to all of us and it has happened to me many times. You tell one friend a dark and super-secret thing, then react disbelieving when you realize probably EVERYONE knows. Damn!

01.09.53

    Way to downplay getting sold out, Willie. The waving thing is cool.

01.10.00

    Here’s Paul’s rant about how Beautiful Girls are great or something. More enlightened viewers will already know this, and should realize beauty is only skin deep. If she can’t play Scrabble, do you really want to marry her?

01.10.44

    I wonder what he finds in the freezer?

01.10.50

    Wrong. Love is more important than just beauty. Believe The Beatles if you don’t believe me.

01.10.55

    Uh no. Painful scene for the affair subplot.

01.11.26

    See? If you weren’t popular in high school, realize that this is how all the popular kids end up eventually.

01.12.22

    She is the devil mom. Damn her to hell where she belongs!

01.14.30

    More drinking.

01.14.39

    Double vision is just one “benefit” of heavy drinking.

01.14.45

    Man. Willie’s plays for Andera are pretty entertaining.

01.15.48

    When all else fails, ice fishing is the ultimate last resort for getting a date.

01.16.10

    Sure, the relationship’s beginning is important, but the relationship matters more.

01.17.08

    Kissing the tummy with baby kisses is great!

01.17.26

    Uma is right. Always realize someone desires your girlfriend like you desire someone else’s.

01.18.17

    “Damn.” Yes, Willie is the man.

01.18.43

    Always wear black and you too can be cool.

01.18.51

    His girlfriend is pretty hot. Marry her, Willie! But keep Marty on the side, yeah?

01.19.08

    “I’ve been drunk for 2 weeks.” That’s cooler than it should be.

01.19.41

    This is the extent of all dinner conversation at my house.

01.20.27

    It’s Marty!

01.20.44

    Oh, Marty, I love you! This whole scene is fabulously melancholy, since they know they can’t be together but can and will stay in touch through the years.

01.21.13

    Marty is much prettier.

01.21.21

    See, Willie can always make Marty laugh. This is important in a relationship.

01.21.43

    Here’s the big “let’s stay in touch” scene. I hope they do stay in touch. You just want to hug Marty and tell her it’s all going to be alright, don’t you? I do.

01.22.22

    See, if you don’t have any female contact this is what will become of you!

01.22.54

    His girlfriend does rule. Marry her!

01.23.53

    Yes, when my reunion comes around, I’m watching television for the night. Preferably Doctor Who.

01.23.57

    It never fails. The one night of the year you really want to go out, something great is going to be on the boob tube.

01.25.29

    The plus of having a beautiful and smart girlfriend: introducing her to your single and jealous friends.

01.26.35

    Rosie = Kathy Bates = Misery = ugly.

01.27.00

    Let chicks behind the curtain. Don’t be afraid. The 2nd Wizard of Oz reference here. I bet there is a subliminal message or some central theme to this that I’m totally missing.

01.28.06

    If you were unpopular in high school take heart! High school reunions are the time to strike back!

01.29.07

    When you’re having an affair with some dude’s wife, try to avoid drinking at the same bar the husband frequents.

01.30.57

    Never piss off a dude when he’s with three of his large drunken friends.

01.32.07

    That’s always a great part of any party, when it’s winding down and it’s time to go and you’re just hangin’ with your girlfriend, sipping your drinks.

01.32.30

    Tracy tells him to go kick some ass. She is the best! Marry her, Willie!

01.33.07

    Now that Willie can comment wryly on what’s going on, you can tell he’s in his element.

01.33.29

    Tim is the Man, trying to see all sides of the issue. Pay attention, kids!

01.33.47

    Yep. When logic fails, just lynch the suckers.

01.34.25

    “You got a plan?” WHAM! “No plan.” If I had a nickel for every time I backed up a friend on some nefarious deed and we had this exchange, I would possess a great deal of nickels!

01.34.37

    This is the 2nd greatest scene in the entire movie! Where Mo is just insanely mad and making little to no sense with his snarled threats, the look Willie and Paul share is priceless! Kind of a “what the ****?” mixed with “did I hear that right?” look. It’s no wonder Timothy Hutton won an Oscar for his work in Ordinary People!

01.34.54

    Willie thinks fast. Good work.

01.35.25

    Once the kids show up, the fight dies down. That’s how it always goes.

01.36.43

    Yes, Tracy rules. What a thoughtful and considerate girlfriend.

01.37.00

    Willie goes straight to Tracy and gives her a kiss. That’s what love is.

01.38.10

    Willie and Tracy, together at last.

01.38.27

    Whoa! She got his room!

01.39.17

    Ditto with my room. Nobody else was physically there, though I had a few pictures of girls I liked on the walls for reasons unknown wink-wink.

01.42.18

    Acceptance. Paul knows it’s time to move on, because it is well and truly over. Always leave the driveway looking nice before you go.

01.42.49

    Willie signifies his new centered and at-peace persona not by combing his hair, but by wearing a nice crisp white shirt.

01.43.50

    Springs visits are the best.

01.44.14

    Good-byes are tough, man.

01.44.42

    Willie leaves looking badass. Always dress for success.

01.45.17

    He isn’t too sure how to leave things with Marty, and that’s cool and believable. How should he leave things? I don’t know either.

01.45.39

    It’s Marty! Bye-bye! (take me with you!)

01.45.53

    Willie’s two women come together and meet.

01.46.29

    That’s the way to say goodbye. She loves him!

01.46.51

    I like the one-finger-pointing-to-signify-goodbye. I must use that myself.

01.47.11

    See? Tracy is so open and cool that he could pretty much spell out how he was/is in love with this underage girl and she will laugh and agree! Keep ‘em both, Willie!

01.47.29

    It is superb. They will be very happy together (though I think Willie comes back in five years for Marty. But I could be wrong [not wrong!]).

01.47.48

    “Stay cool forever.” Your friends and your days together will always be with you and a part of you forever, and that’s one of the best things about life. You can’t take it with you, but you can remember it as you go. Excellent use of a Neil Diamond song to bring things to a close!
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