Can’t Hardly Wait [retro viewing]

All right, boys and girls, strap yourself in with a few best buds, and prepare to enjoy (ENJOY I SAID) this great 1998 party flick!

0.25

    Great high-energy opening which doesn’t waste any time plunging our fearless audience into the story. Tappin’ to the tunes, man.

0.48

    Amidst the stupid cross-chatter that sets our stage, you’ll notice the montage of graduation cap decorations, such as “Hi Mom”, the Titanic, and “It took me 6 years.” For the record, my high school forbade us to do this. I am still in therapy.

1.22

      The hand slap game! The hand slap game! We still do this!

1.43

    First spotting of “makeout couple”. Keep your eyes tuned for them.

2.22

    Preston’s intro screen… I LOVE these. They give you a brief bio on the character, but in a unique way (a la high school yearbook).

3.05

    Denise, my favorite character. She has the best quote (by Oscar Wilde), and her opening line about not keeping her tassel is something I think most high schoolers feel. College tries to pass those off to you as well (I don’t think I had a choice about buying mine).

3.54

    Flashback! (do the “diddlydoo” Wayne’s World thing with me). Nice atmospheric effects with the lights and fog. First time that the Smashmouth song is played.

4.25

    Preston addresses the camera directly for the first time, sorta like Ferris Beuller. It’s amusing and pretty effective to express his newfound crush. Notice during the flashback that we don’t get to see Amanda’s face very much (notice the clever way that students passing paper covers up her face when she turns toward the camera). Also… strawberry pop-tart!

6.09

    Mike’s intro. I don’t think the film’s creators had to brainstorm too long to come up with this accurate stereotype. Although, I think they should’ve made him even more cocky than he is.

7.35

Where’s Veronica from Clerks saying, “What a bunch of easily-led automatons!” Ah, peer pressure. I love the segue between “Mike Dexter is a God! Mike Dexter is a role model!…

7.39

    Mike Dexter is an a**hole!” William, nerd supreme. It’s funny how his list blows past, not once but twice.

8.30

    William’s speech, ripped off ID4, is classic, a battle rally for all oppressed.

9.00

    Do you have friends that breathe Star Wars as much as these guys? I had a friend in college named Steve that literally worshipped Boba Fett. Steve hasn’t quite moved past that stage, yet, even though he’s 25.

9.48

    All hail Seth Green as Kenny, white boy gangsta supreme! I think it’d be fun just to go all out on an ego-trip like he does. The “Big Pappa” line is priceless.

10.27

    Klepto boy makes his debuet; he never says a thing, tho.

10.42

    Okay, I identified the Kuma Sutra in Kenny’s love kit, but what the HECK is all the rest? Perhaps I don’t want to know. Perhaps I do.

11.30

    Preston is GONE… letter and all. It’s so very true that when we’re in a love funk, we’ll read into everything (even Barry Manilow). Denise tries hard to bring him down (“it’s about his DOG”), since I think even best friends get sick of friends going on and on and on about their unrequited love lives.

12.51

    Look at Preston’s eyes when he’s pounced on by Yearbook Girl. Is he staring into hell and damnation? I think so.

13.30

    As Kenny comes in, notice the dog. The bow needs to go.

14.00

    Although it has a few cuts in it, the tracking shot going from Preston to Kenny to the band to William doesn’t stop for long, but instead we get into the party flavor as quickly as possible.

15.15

    David Duchovney line… possibly the highest compliment an X-phile can give.

16.58

    Amanda’s intro. I just caught on to the fact that each character has their own personal little soundtrack played when the yearbook screen comes up; pretty nifty, eh? She likes Jewel, she can rot.

17.48

    Smashmouth, yet again.

17.52

    Kenny in front of the mirror is another underappreciated bit in this movie. Hey, who doesn’t do this (but most of us in the privacy of our own home)?

19.20

    Talks like this make me appreciate the fact I’m not a girl. And once again let me assert that Gweneth Paltrow is NOT my idea of beauty in the least.

20.24

    Preston wheeling around and walking into the wall is something that needs to be rewound and watched at least three times.

20.35

    Klepto boy sighting in the hall!

20.40

    Kenny’s inner monologue is seriously going on my answering machine. Seth does a good job of hanging out while his mind chatters on.

21.51

    THE BEER HAS GONE BAD! That’s what I always think, which is why I don’t drink. I’m rhyming a lot in this viewing, aren’t I?

24.45

    Don’t miss the making out couple next to Preston on the couch. Wouldn’t that have been a great acting job? And while we’re on the couch, I love his comeback to the Memories Guy.

26.50

    Kenny and Mike bump into each other and do a great little nod thing. I think this is the only time they actually come in contact during the whole film.

29.00

    The Loveburger revolt… I’m reminded of PCU “you’re going to wear the shirt of the band you’re going to see, don’t be that guy!” And the drummer’s hat is perfect… I need one.

29.22

    Klepto boy steals a shirt.

29.43

    The whole “poop” subplot is a bit weak… I think when she looks in the fridge it’s supposed to be full of crap, but it’s kinda vague.

30.00

    Again, just wanted to note how smooth the transitions between characters/plots go. From band to poop to Kenny!

31.04

    “Special K”. That’s my new knickname.

31.39

    One of the cool things about this movie is that you can go through the film watching nothing but the background… the party goers are doing very strange things. It creates a nice cohesiveness and authentic feel to the movie.

31.50

    Making out couple can be seen briefly through the back door window

33.00

    Kenny’s whole “gettin’ ready” scene is one of the best in the film. You gotta love when he’s straddling the sink and tub.

33.55

    …but then, the whole brownie licking scene (and Denise’s reaction) comes close in greatness.

34.14

    Double bag it. Can one do this? I think the picture with Kenny blow-drying his pants (around his ankles), reading the Karma Sutra, and holding the condoms in his mouth should’ve been the official movie poster, don’t ya think?

35.20

    William finally loses it… “I have no legs!”

38.20

    Amanda’s little speech tries to give her character a bit of depth, but who cares?

38.38

    On the other hand, Preston’s “letter speech” is a terrific scene, slowing down the film for a bit so we can refocus, and it even ends in a funny joke. Preston’s so sincere, he echoes what many of us have felt about that special someone.

40.35

    How can one not laugh when Kenny tries to break down the door? He’s just too unreal to be real.

40.58

    The discussions between Kenny and Denise are both hilarious and honest… I only wish more time had been spent on them (although they do slow down the frantic pace of the party).

43.15

    William’s interesting philisophic view of God and the universe.

44.35

    The whole “letter trip” is a little too contrived, even for this movie. And once again, Smashmouth. Do you think they were well paid for this film?

45.44

    Denise finally addresses the situation… “You’re white!” Her analysis of Kenny sketches out their past history and his need for acceptance. But I like the goggles.

47.16

    “She’s not supposed to be with someone else. She’s supposed to be with me.” I have this thought every day, bud.

49.26

    Elfman’s Angel comes out of the fog, and I think we’re almost to the point where we’d believe it was an actual angel… but the joke’s on us, ain’t it? It’s a weird and good scene.

52.14

    And she discovers the poop (?)

52.35

      Who is this girl? Why’s she lecturing Amanda? I’m suddenly getting

Say Anything

    party flashbacks. “You are all sheep. BAAAA!”

53.10

    Take a break from reading this, and go have a flashlight/lightsaber duel with a friend. Feel better? I did!

57.08

    The mandatory song/dance scene… but it’s awesome! William goes wild and takes down the house. You can’t watch the part where he falls down, then leaps up to grab the mike without getting chills.

1:02.48

    Jerry O’Connell as the older jock gets a lousy role, and this whole scene is pretty much unnecessary.

1:05.22

    Never ask directions from stoned guys. “So he’s sorta tall, with hair, and wears t-shirts sometimes.”

1:06.18

    When you’ve got people wearing potato chip bags on their heads, it’s time to call it a night.

1:08.34

    Mike gets what’s coming to him! Very nice! If only more girls would take lessons from Amanda and get rid of jerks instead of hanging onto them like life preservers.

1:09.39

    One of my favorite lines: “Oh, God, you’re a hottie! Can I see you naked?”

1:10.20

    Hewitt gets to display some fierce acting, but poor Preston, huh?

1:12.13

    As Mike hugs William, the music blares up “I’ll make love to you! Like you want me to!” hehe…

1:12.24

    Good friends should be able to sing New Kids on the Block together. But then they should prepare to get killed by everyone else.

1:13.24

    What a great kiss… it’s awkward, spontaneous, and very romantic.

1:14.15

    And a great song… who sings this “Romeo and Juliet” song, does anyone know? It’s makeup/out music, that’s for sure.

1:16.45

    Pretty fly for some dead white guys!

1:17.43

    And thus the party comes to a close. We never get to hear Loveburger sing! Ah, the pathos!

1:18.04

    Don’t blink, and you’ll notice a guy rapelling down the house to escape.

1:18.13

    DIE YEARBOOK DIE!

1:19.40

    Klepto boy’s finest moment, stealing the cop car. I’m proud to be an American!

1:22.39

    Contrast Kenny’s height to his car. Papa Smurf learned how to drive!

1:26.30

    It’s a shame Preston and Denise didn’t have more scenes together; they make really great friends. And it’s (mostly) platonic!

1:28.48

    Denise masters Fate. I suppose this was the underlying theme of the movie, but it’s a pretty lame premise.

1:31.07

    The Return of Klepto Boy!

1:32.32

    Why does Jennifer Love Hewitt always look like she’s ready to burst into tears?

1:36.05

    The X-philes get abducted… insert your own friends here.

1:38.42

    And, just in case you missed it, SMASHMOUTH!
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