Komodo vs. Cobra

kvc-poster“Is there anything on this island you didn’t supersize?”

The Scoop: 2005 PG-13, directed by Jim Wynorski and starring Michael Paré, Michelle Borth, and Ryan McTavish

Tagline: The Ultimate Battle.

Summary Capsule: A group of meddling environmentalists finally get what’s coming to them in the form of giant, scaly, fanged death. It’s less interesting than you’d think.

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Six Films to Fall Asleep To

It doesn’t mean they’re boring and it doesn’t mean they’re bad, but these movies are instant Nyquil for the long-suffering insomniac:

Star Trek: The Motion Picture

Star Trek: The Motion Picture

Beige, beige, beige! Honestly, ST:TMP doesn’t deserve the scorn that it gets, but that lifeless color scheme, the endless 2001-style special effects, and Kirk’s twenty-minute pleasure cruise around the Enterprise have convinced me that you’re not really SUPPOSED to watch this movie in one sitting.

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The Kingdom

kingdom-poster“Does he know where Bin Laden is? Because that would be great.”

The Scoop: 2007 R, directed by Peter Berg and starring Jamie Foxx, Chris Cooper, and Jennifer Garner

Tagline: Under fire. Under Pressure. Out of Time.

Summary Capsule: An FBI special investigation team takes an off-the-books trip to Saudi Arabia to solve the mystery behind a shocking terror attack.

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Al does One Crazy Summer [Savage Steve Holland Week]

One Crazy Summerbox“Hey, Hoops, you ever notice how people die in alphabetical order?”

The Scoop: 1986 PG. Directed by Savage Steve Holland and starring John Cusack, Demi Moore, and Curtis Armstrong.

Tagline: They’re out of school, out on Nantucket, and out of their minds. With this crowd, anything can happen!

Summary Capsule: Teens spend a really crazy summer on an island, fighting against the forces of evil snobs and punks with pink wigs.

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Al does Blade

bladebox“I’m gonna be naughty! I’m gonna be a naughty vampire god!”

The Scoop: 1998 R. Directed by Steve Norrington and starring Wesley Snipes, Kris Kristofferson, Stephen Dorff, and Donal Logue.

Tagline: The power of an immortal. The soul of a human. The heart of a hero.

Summary Capsule: Non-cheerleader vampire hunter poses dramatically while fighting non-sparkly, non-Sookie vampires. Also, everyone wears black and mopes, ’cause it’s the 90s.

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The Wrestler

the-wrestler-poster”I don’t hear as good as I used to, and I ain’t as pretty as I used to be. But I’m still here–I’m the Ram.”

The Scoop: 2008 R, directed by Darren Aranofsky and starring Mickey Rourke, Marisa Tomei and Evan Rachel Wood

Tagline: Love. Pain. Glory.

Summary Capsule: An once-great pro wrestler tries to come to terms with the end of his career after he is made to leave the sport he loves.

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