Yeti does Loaded Weapon 1

loaded1“My wife and I haven’t had sex in over two years. I have a six month old daughter.” 

The Scoop: 1993 PG-13, directed by Gene Quintano, starring Emilio Estevez and Samuel L. Jackson

Tagline: Oh my God. They have guns!

Summary Capsule: Emilio Estevez and Samuel L. Jackson team up to take down William Shatner. Or wait, Emilio and Shatner go after Jackson. Tim Curry vs Jon Lovitz. Does it really matter?

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Reign of Fire

reign-of-fire-poster“When I’m running for my life, I generally don’t look back at the plumbing.”

The Scoop: 2002 PG-13, directed by Rob Bowman and starring Christian Bale, Matthew McConaughey, and Alexander Siddig

Tagline: They’re extremely intelligent. Highly evolved. And they don’t like sharing the planet.

Summary Capsule: In the year 2000-something, there be lots of people and one dragon. Ten years or so later, it’s pretty much the other way around. With lots of cinders. Can the intrepid British tomato fanciers and rogue American commandos defeat what nukes couldn’t? Stay tuned!

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Joel does Captain America: The Winter Soldier

captain_america_winter_soldier_movie_poster_by_alvincapalad-d5af6nf“On your left.”

The Scoop:  2014 PG-13,  directed by Anthony and Joe Russo, starring Chris Evans, Scarlett Johansson and Robert Redford

Tagline:  In heroes we trust

Summary Capsule:  Captain America suddenly finds himself chased by those he thought were his allies as well as hunted by a mysterious assassin, The Winter Soldier.  Who can he trust?

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Eunice does Bloodsport

bloodsport-poster“That hurts me just lookin’ at it.”

The Scoop: 1988 R, directed by Newt Arnold and starring Jean-Claude Van Damme, Donald Gibb, Bolo Yeung, and Leah Ayres

Tagline: The secret contest where the world’s greatest warriors fight in a battle to the death.

Summary Capsule: JVCD and Ogre fight their way through a whole bunch of ethnic stereotypes to face big bad Bolo Yeung in an underground fighting competition.

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Al does Blade

bladebox“I’m gonna be naughty! I’m gonna be a naughty vampire god!”

The Scoop: 1998 R. Directed by Steve Norrington and starring Wesley Snipes, Kris Kristofferson, Stephen Dorff, and Donal Logue.

Tagline: The power of an immortal. The soul of a human. The heart of a hero.

Summary Capsule: Non-cheerleader vampire hunter poses dramatically while fighting non-sparkly, non-Sookie vampires. Also, everyone wears black and mopes, ’cause it’s the 90s.

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