“Judgement time.”
The Scoop: 2012 R, directed by Pete Travis and starring Karl Urban, Rachel Wood, and Olivia Thirlby
Tagline: Judgment is coming
Summary Capsule: Judge Dredd gets locked inside a high-rise apartment complex populated by drug dealers. That was not smart of the drug dealers.
“Ask me a serious question.”
The Scoop: 2013 R, directed by Antoine Fuqua and starring Gerard Butler, Aaron Eckhart, and Morgan Freeman
Tagline: When our flag falls our nation will rise.
Summary Capsule: It’s Die Hard in the White House.
When Mutant Reviewers started up in 1997, Kym and I came up with a slogan that we felt summed up the attitude and approach of the site: “We give Siskel and Ebert hives.” It wasn’t just a not-so-clever saying that would look totally rad on a t-shirt, but an indication of just how we were kicking against the establishment of film criticism — and those two reviewers were the figureheads of giving thumbs up to boring, pretentious films and thumbs down to many of the films we enjoyed.
Then Siskel died and we kind of had to stop running that slogan. In retrospect, it was for the best. Elevating yourself by putting someone else down is tacky and cheap. And besides, I’m sure that over time all of the mutants have given good reviews to films you’ve hated and hated some of your beloved classics.
As you’ve probably heard, yesterday Roger Ebert died. I had pretty much stopped paying attention to him after the “Siskel and” part of the team went bye-bye. I knew he was still watching and reviewing films, and I did read one of his books (I Hated This Movie). Listen, I’ll be honest: I felt he played it too safe in movie reviews. He’d be handing out three stars to just about everything until the whole star system was meaningless. His worldview is very different from mine, and because that seeped into his writing, I didn’t enjoy much of what he wrote.
But. I admired him and other career film reviewers like him who treated the job as something seriously and not just a paycheck. Why admire? Because he had to wade through so much dreck and tepid cinema, day in and day out. We at MRFH get the luxury of choosing which movies to watch. If we’re going to see a bad movie, then it’s our choice at least. But Ebert didn’t have a choice. He’d have to watch mostly everything that went to the theaters and somehow retain his sanity through it all. That he didn’t become bitter but continued to express his love for cinema deserves admiration.
So farewell Ebert. Thanks for giving us a fun nemesis for the early years of the site and being cool with it.
“Behold the nerd child!”
The Scoop: 1994 NR, directed by Steve Zacharias and starring Robert Carradine, Curtis Armstrong and Julia Montgomery
Tagline: Birds do it. Bees do it. Tonight see what happens when Nerds do it…
Summary Capsule: Booger tries to get married while the father of the bride tries to banish all nerds. NERDS!
“You don’t eat meat! You don’t do drugs! What’s wrong with kids today?”
The Scoop: 1992 NR, directed by Roland Mesa and starring Robert Carradine, Curtis Armstrong and Julia Montgomery
Tagline: None
Summary Capsule: The new nerds at Adams College come under a fresh attack while some old nerds are called back into service to defend them
“To truly hock a loogie, one must not retrieve the phlegm from the throat, but from the soul.”
The Scoop: 1987 PG-13, directed by Joe Roth and starring Robert Carradine, Curtis Armstrong and Bradley Whitford
Tagline: “They’re Back!”
Summary Capsule: The nerds head down to Florida for a frat convention, only to find the Alpha Betas waiting for them with a score to settle.
“Burn it!”
The Scoop: 2011 R, directed by Matthijs van Heijningen Jr. and starring Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Joel Edgerton, and Ulrich Thomsen
Tagline: It’s not human. Yet.
Summary Capsule: It’s a prequel to the 1982 classic, as we find out what really happened at the Norwegian camp in Antarctica.
“This time travel crap, just fries your brain like a egg.”
The Scoop: 2012 R, directed by Rian Johnson and starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Bruce Willis, and Emily Blunt
Tagline: Hunted by your future. Haunted by your past.
Summary Capsule: Time travel, assassins, and telekinesis. It’s like a royal straight, ain’t it?
“Do you know who I am? I am the arm, and I sound like this…”
The Scoop: 1992 R, directed by David Lynch and starring Sheryl Lee, Moira Kelly, and Ray Wise
Tagline: Meet Laura Palmer… In a town where nothing is as it seems… And everyone has something to hide.
Summary Capsule: Twin Peaks gets an epilogue that is as confusing and bewildering as any of Lynch’s other works
Happy January all! Just a quick note to let everyone know that our Reviews page now features FULLY OPERATIONAL LINKS at the top of the page. The Rebel Alliance won’t know what’ll hit it!
This means that if you click a letter at the top of the page, it’ll quickly take you to movie reviews starting with that letter. MRFH: Saving you precious seconds of scroll time since 2013!
