“Now I’m gonna ask you ten times, Shelly. Ten times!” The Scoop: R 1996, directed by the Wachowski Brothers (a.k.a. The Wachowskis) and starring Jennifer Tilly, Gina Gershon and Joe Pantoliano. Tagline: A trust so deep it cuts both ways. Summary Capsule: Lesbian lovers try to con the Mob out of $2 million.

“It’s not you, it’s me. I attract violence.” The Scoop: 15 1987, directed by Lance Hool and starring Patrick Swayze, Lisa Niemi and Anthony Zerbe. Tagline: He is the desert warrior, carving the future with his sword. Summary Capsule: A post-apocalyptic western starring Patrick Swayze and Patrick Swayze’s wife. I know, right?

“Who wants to play with Willy?” The Scoop: 2007 12A, directed by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, and starring Kal Penn, Jennifer Coolidge and Fred Willard. Tagline: We Know It’s Big. We Measured. Summary Capsule: It’s as if someone took the notion of “parody” and gave it the worst wedgie you’ve ever seen.

“Oh, the cleverness of me!” The Scoop: PG 2003, directed by P. J. Hogan and starring Jason Isaacs, Jeremy Sumpter, Rachel Hurd-Wood, Richard Briers and Olivia Williams. Tagline: The legend you thought you knew becomes the adventure you never imagined. Summary Capsule: Classic kids’ story is redone from the ground up. An eternal child contends [...]

“Rest assured that we shall soon come out at a very real outcome.” The Scoop: 1996 PG, directed by Tim Burton and starring Jack Nicholson, Sarah Jessica Parker and Tom Jones. Tagline: Nice Planet. We’ll Take It. Summary Capsule: Goofy aliens invade Earth and take advantage of gullible humans.

“Don’t go mistaking paradise for a pair of long legs.” The scoop: 1987 PG-13, directed by Howard Deutch and starring Eric Stoltz, Lea Thompson and Mary Stuart Masterson. Tagline: Before they could stand together, they had to stand alone. Summary Capsule: Pretty in Pink, only better.

“Death is only the beginning” The Scoop: PG13 1999, directed by Stephen Sommers and starring Rachel Weisz, Brendan Fraser and Arnold Vosloo. Tagline: The sands will rise, the heavens will part, the power will be unleashed. Summary Capsule: Treasure hunters release a centuries-old mummy hellbent on hugging puppies.  Or revenge. One of those two.

“Do you have to open graves to find girls to fall in love with?” The Scoop: PG 1932, directed by Karl Freund and starring Boris Karloff, Zita Johann and David Manners. Tagline: It comes to life! Summary Capsule: Disgraced ancient Egyptian sorcerer rises from the dead and seeks to resurrect his girlfriend in the body [...]

“Just so you know, we can’t be friends.” The Scoop: 2010 R, directed by Matt Reeves and starring Kodi Smit-McPhee, Chloe Grace Moretz and Elias Koteas. Tagline: She will keep you safe. She will keep you close. She will keep you forever. Summary Capsule: Woebegone moppet finds out his new buddy is a bloodsucking fiend [...]

“It will be good of you to mark my face, Saxon, for the next time you see it, it will be the last thing you see on this earth.” The Scoop: 2004 R, directed by Antoine Fuqua and starring Clive Owen, Keira Knightley and Ioan Gruffudd. Tagline: The untold true story that inspired the legend. Summary Capsule: Um, tagline? [...]