“Listen to the rhythm. Don’t be scared.” The Scoop: 1992 PG, directed by Baz Luhrmann and starring Paul Mercurio, Tara Morice and Bill Hunter. Tagline: A life lived in fear is a life half-lived. Summary Capsule: Romantic comedy was never so surreal, so Australian, or so sequinned.

“Hey! Who’s drivin’ this flyin’ umbrella?” The Scoop: 1973 G, directed by Wolfgang Reitherman and starring Brian Bedford, Phil Harris, Peter Ustinov, Terry-Thomas, Pat Buttram, Andy Devine, Monica Evans, Carole Shelley and Roger Miller. Tagline: Meet Robin Hood and his MERRY MENagerie! Summary Capsule: Robin Hood and company as animals. What genius dreamed that one [...]

“Killian!  Here’s your Subzero, now plain zero.” The Scoop: 1987 R, directed by Paul Michael Glaser and starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jesse Ventura, and Richard Dawson Tagline: The year is 2019. The finest men in America don’t run for President. They run for their lives. Summary Capsule: Arnold is decked out in BananaGear™ and forced to participate in [...]

“It’s a white girl, in the prime of her overprivileged youth, and I just can’t wait to hear all about her problems.” The Scoop: 2003 PG-13, directed by Peter Hedges and starring Katie Holmes, Oliver Platt, Patricia Clarkson, and Alice Drummond Tagline: She’s the one in every family. Summary Capsule: How to cook a turkey [...]

“Pretend he’s not my brother. I do.” The Scoop: 1997 R, directed by Mark Waters and starring Parker Posey, Josh Hamilton, and Tori Spelling Tagline: Enter at your own risk. Summary Capsule: Disturbed Jackie Onassis look-a-like (Parker Posey) takes an unplatonic liking to her brother, and tries to steal him away from his girlfriend.

“Don’t let them in your mouth!” The Scoop: 2006 R, directed by James Gunn and starring Nathan Fillion, Elizabeth Banks, and Gregg Henry. Tagline: What Ever You Do… Don’t Scream. Summary Capsule: A man infected by an alien slug eats as much raw meat as he can, then creates an army of slugs to overrun [...]

“First rule of Fight Club, you do not talk about Fight Club.” The Scoop: 1999 R, directed by David Fincher and starring Edward Norton, Brad Pitt, and Helena Bonham Carter. Tagline: Mischief. Mayhem. Soap. Summary Capsule: Grown men beating the crap out of each other, cool!

Simple question today: have you ever had a custom ringtone for your cell phone or other electronic device that was a popular song, TV show theme, or movie or video game instrumental? If so, nerd law demands you share it with the rest of us, that we might laugh until we remember ours are even [...]

“Suicide Club. And we’re its charter members.” The Scoop: 2002 NR, directed by Shion Sono and starring Ryo Ishibashi, Saya Hagiwara, Rolly, Mika Kikuchi Tagline: Sore de wa minasan, sayonara Summary Capsule: Some sort of new pop fad sweeps Japan, and it’s one that is pretty easy and cheap to partake in: kill yourself, and [...]

“This is ridiculous! First he’s crazy, then he’s not crazy! Can’t you people decide once and for all?” The Scoop: 1967 Unrated (as best I can tell, anyway), directed by Alfred Vohrer and starring Klaus Kinski, Harald Leipnitz, Diana Korner, Carl Lange, Albert Bessler, and Ilse Steppat. Tagline: Fear will grip you by the throat [...]