Drew does Thor

“You know, for a crazy homeless person, he is pretty cut.”

The Scoop: 2011 PG-13, directed by Kenneth Branagh and starring Chris Hemsworth, Anthony Hopkins and Natalie Portman

Tagline: Two Worlds. One Hero.

Summary Capsule: A brash young godling learns that patience, wisdom, and love are as important as whose ass you can kick.

Drew’s Rating: Better than Iron Man 2? Aye, verily. But better than Iron Man? I SAY THEE NAY!

Drew’s Review: Hale and well met, fellow travelers! Though I know not thy reasons for sojourning to this place, thy curiosity will not go unrewarded. I, Drew son of Marc, shall guide thee on a quest from the grandest hallways of Asgard to the tiniest villages of Midgard and everywhere in between… and know this, the Marcson doth not do things by half. Ere night falls we shall repose by the hearth, toasting our victories and recounting valiant deeds long into the night.

And ho, what marvels await thine eyes, courtesy of fabled storyteller Branagh the Bold! In ages to come, bards shall tell of the headstrong Thor, who defied his father’s wishes and led the Warriors Three and his brother Loki to attack the world of the frost giants, breaking an ancient truce. For his arrogance in reigniting war, wise Odin banished his son to Midgard, which the mortals call Earth, decreeing that only when Thor proved himself worthy could he reclaim his mighty hammer Mjolnir and return. But soon after, the All-Father fell into a sleep from which none could wake him, leaving the wily Loki to rule Asgard. When the trickster’s actions threatened to hasten war with the frost giants, Thor’s friends searched for their comrade, who for his part had been taken in by a mortal astronomer and was learning what it meant to feel human. But when Loki learned of this betrayal and sent the relentless Destroyer to slay his brother… ah, but there we must let the warrior poets conclude the tale in their own way, many moons hence.

When ’twas over, mine comrade and I locked gazes and did voice the same thought: that yon movie was as good as one might reasonably expect. Thor hath always been perhaps most difficult of the Marvel superheroes to contemplate bringing to film. The subject matter be so melodramatic, so grandiose, that easily could it have lapsed into parody in translation from sequential multicolored scrolls to the mystical screen. But while Thor is indeed unafraid to poke fun at its concept at times, yet does it successfully convey the import of the deadly threats and treat its subject matter with just enough gravitas to be entertaining without lapsing into self-mockery. Indeed, this be not an easy line to tread.

The mortal players portraying the Aesir are generally most agreeable, with lusty praise due to Hemsworth as the Odinson and Tom Hiddleston as vile Loki. ‘Tis worth noting that the latter could with ease have fallen into a simplistic villain role, but the actor hath infused the character with complexity and subtle scheming worthy of the trickster himself. Of particular note to this chronicler be the maiden Kat Dennings as Dr. Foster’s assistant, who is both comely of form and sharp of tongue, possessed of enow wit to shame the most mirthful jester in the nine worlds. Though the ways of the gods are not for us to fathom, ’tis hard to shake the belief that Thor did become entranced by the wrong female.

Let it not be said that Thor hath no flaws. Some are minor, like the choice to refer to the mortal plane as “Earth” rather than “Midgard.” Others, such as the rushed pace of Thor’s spiritual awakening and maturation, are mayhaps not quite so easily o’erlooked. But by my troth, they do pale in comparison to the general enjoyment to be had, and woe betide those who choose to pass Thor by unseen. Let the call ring out, from the highest peak to the deepest valley… let the righteous rejoice, let the wicked tremble… that lo, the god of thunder hath arrived! And it is good.

Aye, verily.

You've been... THUNDERSTRUCK!

Intermission

• The inscription on Thor’s hammer reads, “Whosoever holds this hammer, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of THOR!” While this mainly applies to Thor himself, other characters have proven worthy of hefting sacred Mjolnir, including Beta Ray Bill, Captain America, and (during intercompany crossovers) Wonder Woman and Superman. The literal translation of Mjolnir is “That which smashes.” In actual Norse mythology it had some weird sexual metaphor going on, in that it would get larger when you rubbed it. (Yes, really.)
• A sign in town can be seen reading, “Land of Enchantment — Journey into Mystery”. The former is New Mexico’s state nickname, but “Journey into Mystery” is the giant monster comic that Thor took over as of issue 83; it was eventually retitled “The Mighty Thor.”
• Not to get nitpicky, but how does Thor know how to use a modern pen?
• Though not in costume and never referred to as such, “Agent Barton” is Clint Barton, AKA Hawkeye, the archer Avenger.
• Continuing the trend in Marvel movies, after the end credits there’s a final scene. [HERE BE SPOILERS, LAST CHANCE!] Dr. Sevig is called to a meeting with Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson), who shows him a briefcase containing what appears to be the Cosmic Cube. Sevig looks at it, and his reflection reveals that Loki is now influencing him.

Groovy Quotes

Thor: I have no plans to die today.
Heimdall: None do.

Laufey: You’re nothing but a boy, trying to prove himself a man.

Thor: Hammer. Hammer!
Darcy: Yeah, we can tell you’re hammered.

Darcy: You know, for a crazy homeless person, he is pretty cut.

Hawkeye: You want me to slow him down, sir? Or are you sending in more guys for him to beat up?

Agent Garrett: Is there a renaissance faire in town?
Agent #2: Call it in.
Agent Garrett: We’ve got a Jackie Chan, a Xena and Robin Hood.

[Sees the Destroyer, a magical robot]
Agent Cale: Is that one of Stark’s?
Agent Coulson: I don’t know. Guy never tells me anything.

Thor: I would have words with my brother.

If You Liked This Movie, Try These:

• Iron Man
• Spider-Man
• Clash of the Titans