1. Sylvester Stallone – “Stud” in Party at Kitty and Stud’s
Nobody can debate that Stallone’s had a stellar career — Rocky and Rambo foremost in his resume — but few people, us included, are willing to forget that his first major role was in a softcore porn. Party at Kitty and Stud’s enjoyed a bit of post-Rocky resurgeance as they capitalized on Stallone’s newfound fame, and remains an ugly blot on his career.
Continue reading ‘Saturday’s Six: Movie Roles That Will Haunt Actors Forever’
So, for the longest time (okay, the entire time) I’ve been typing my reviews on a desktop computer. This isn’t bad, mind you. I’m not going to complain, given that I’m aware that I’m lucky to even have a computer. But still – my desktop is located in the guest room, the furthest point in our house from a TV. Not very ideal for writing stuff down when you’re watching a movie. What’s that, you say? What’s wrong with using a pen and paper? Well, have you ever SEEN my handwriting? Deciphering ancient Arabic is probably easier, and I don’t speak the language.
So, anyway, I got a shiny new laptop for my anniversary/Christmas/Valentine’s Day present this year. Pretty spiffy, yay hubby. And what better way to celebrate than to do a mutant viewing of the cultiest film we could find?
I bring you Boy Eats Girl.
“Are you a vampire?”
The Scoop: 2008 R, directed by Tomas Alfredson and starring Kåre Hedebrant, Lina Leandersson and Per Ragnar
Tagline: Oscar, an overlooked and bullied boy, finds love and revenge through Eli, a beautiful but peculiar girl who turns out to be a vampire.
Summary Capsule: A young outcast boy gets a crush on the weird new girl and doesn’t seem to mind at all that she only gives him advice at night.
Continue reading ‘Justin does Let The Right One In [plus retro review]‘
“It was their hands that built this city of ours, Father. But where do those hands fit 
in your scheme?”
The Scoop: 1927, Directed by Fritz Lang and starring Alfred Abel, Brigette Helm, Gustav Frohlich and Rudolf Klein-Rogge
Tagline: There can be no understanding between the hands and the brain unless the heart acts as mediator.
Summary Capsule: Boy meets girl, girl prophecies a savior, girl is replaced by stripper robot…typical dystopian fare, really.
“Everyone, just… pretend to be normal.”
The Scoop: 2006 R, directed by Jonathan Dayton and Valarie Faris and starring Abigail Breslin, Greg Kinnear and Alan Arkin
Tagline: Where’s Olive?
Summary Capsule: Little girl wants to participate in creepy misogynistic ritual- er, beauty pageant.
“Baby, you are so money and you don’t even know it!”
The Scoop: 1996 R, directed by Doug Liman and starring Jon Favreau, Vince Vaughn and Heather Graham
Tagline: Get a nightlife.
Summary Capsule: Jon Favreau spends an hour and a half convincing us he can’t get any girl he wants, then gets a super-hot girl. Go figure.
It seems odd to us how Christmas gets more than its fair share of holiday movies, while Thanksgiving gets bumped to the bench in the theaters. So here are six Thanksgiving-themed films that we’ve dug up to get into the spirit of pumpkin pie, turkey and awkward family get-togethers:
1. National Lampoon’s Thanksgiving Family Reunion
The National Lampoon rule of thumb is that if it isn’t Animal House, any of the Vacation movies (and even not all of those), or the first Van Wilder, it’s going to suck harder than the cold vaccuum of space. That goes with Thanksgiving Family Reunion, which plumbs the depths of comedic sewage for a few lost nuggets of funny but fails, even with the sterling presence of “My Name Is” Judge Reinhold.
“We actually don’t have a child.”
The Scoop: 2009 R, directed by Ti West and starring Jocelin Donahue, Tom Noonan, and Greta Gerwig.
Tagline: Talk on the phone. Finish your homework. Watch TV. Die.
Summary Capsule: A young college student desperate for rent money takes on one of those demonic babysitter jobs. Still, better than working at Dairy Queen.
In this edition of our poster dissection series, where we break down the critical elements of an advertisement we’ve spent way, way too much time looking over, we’re going to harken your worst nightmare: The Hottie and the Nottie.
